Use your Worksheets

On your ABC Worksheet

In column A write the last ten things you lost your temper with or had gotten upset over .

In column B, write what you told yourself about that moment.

In column C , write in additional emotions you had about that moment or how you felt after the incident. Be specific as you can, leave nothing out.

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Use your Stuck point worksheet

Pick the incident that stands out the most - the worst of the worst. Write out in full as if you are a reporter on the scene of the incident, give full detail of blow by blow action. If more than one person was involved, tell all actions of all involved.  What are the weather conditions, what odors, aromas; what are the sounds around you? Read this news report out loud. This helps to identify the indifferences and significances in your story that control your life and helping you find your stuck points. Highlight those points, then add in things you may be avoiding or denying.     

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                             Challenging / Questions?

Use the Maladaptive or Problematic Thoughts Worksheet.

Talk over your Stuck point worksheet! Discussing the highlighted points we can find out if the anger was worth the effort.

This will in turn lets us know how to handle the things on our list that angers us. What sort of things go through your mind?

Thoughts of unrealistic expectations, plans, ideas for self or others (thoughts that include the words should, must, ought: “they should do what I told them”).

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Work on your ELF Worksheet

   In anger management your ELF worksheet may prove to be one of your most crucial worksheet and exercise.  Work through finding the unrealistic reason – what do I expect – is it rational or irrational – fact or fiction. 

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   Obstacles to change: look back at the last exercise and the things you thought may make your anger worse. Do you want to add or change anything?

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   Know your anger triggers: what makes your anger worse?  Think about what may make your anger worse:  poor sleep, drugs and alcohol, relationships, stress, depression, anxiety, trauma, bereavement, living conditions. Anything else __?

Think about: particular places, certain people.

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What are the effects on your body?  Muscles tense, heart beats faster, breathing becomes faster, making hands into fists, stomach feeling knotted,  headaches, sweating, problems swallowing, dry mouth, feeling unreal.  Any others?

 

Acting out – not so good, non-effective - if directed improperly can be devastating.

Giving up of your powers, holding and releasing the control. .

Did you know that when you argue or fight with someone you are giving them your power? You have more power when you are in control. Even if it seems that you have the upper hand, bigger, stronger, faster. When you show your anger, you shoe you have no control over your emotions. This in turns allows your adversary to have the upper hand, or the situation to get the best of you. The harsher you show your egressions, the harsher the consequences can be. Does the term “You break it, you pay for it” come to mind? You yourself could end up being fired or band, sued, in prisoned, hospitalized, dead, or combination of all.  

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Repressing your anger is never good – it will build and explode.

 

Express – verbally talking (Not Argue) about anger issues helps calm you. Question why am I angry leads to point and cause.

Review your ELF

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Breaking up your anger - think about the times that you get angry and answer the following: 

• What do you do when you get angry (behavior)?

• This is another situation where getting to know yourself is the first step in changing your anger.

• What happens when you ruminate/brood/ dwell on negative events?

• Physically/ Behaviorally/ Emotionally? 

• What do you ruminate about (triggers)? 

• Themes – hurts others have caused or revenge.

•  What is being avoided by ruminating?  You might be putting something off? What are the consequences of ruminating?

• Feel angrier, depressed? Stuck, not making progress?

• Are there things that you already do? Think back to an occasion when you didn’t get angry or when you stopped yourself before losing it completely.

• Why didn’t you get angry? What would have been the costs of getting angry?

• Think about previous times when you have overcome an obstacle.

• Think about what you would say to a friend who faced this obstacle.

• Possible obstacle - how I might respond?

• What did you do to stop yourself from getting angry?

• Are there things that you did?  What might you need to do next?

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This may be a good time to do some Role Play acting to help you see the logistics and the effect your anger may have on others.

Role play in anger management helps you see and feel both sides as the aggressor and the receiver.

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